My husband and I hail from the same hometown, are the same age, and are both over 30 with two sons in secondary school. We initiated our careers in the city, not far from where we grew up. We independently purchased a home without financial assistance from our parents. Our parents, who are farmers, have differing approaches to child-rearing that somewhat influence our marital happiness.
My parents, despite having many children and being farmers, always prioritized education for all their children. They are extremely frugal, saving diligently to purchase land for their children and their own retirement, rarely spending on themselves. They often opt for economical meals, sometimes buying food but usually eating cold rice or instant noodles.
Conversely, my in-laws also have several children. Formerly, my father-in-law was successful but tended to spend as much as he earned and saved nothing. My husband had to work part-time to fund his education. My father-in-law, known for his pride and generosity, also had a gambling issue, which led to domestic violence against my mother-in-law when the children were away.
Now in his 60s, he continues to socialize late, despite his children’s advice. Once a prominent businessman, he now owes over VND500 million (US$19,619), likely more, with no assets to settle these debts. Nonetheless, his children remain supportive, contributing to household appliances and covering medical and educational expenses for the family.
From our marriage onset, we agreed to equally support both sets of parents, a stance I maintain as I regularly purchase medication for my parents, supported by a stable job and income comparable to my husband’s.
Thanks to their frugality and hard work, my parents, now in their twilight years, plan to distribute their assets among their children. This includes a substantial cash sum and a valuable piece of rural land worth over VND500 million. My husband was thrilled about this. My parents intend for us to eventually pass this land to our children, concerned that future land affordability might hinder them.
Although I initially planned to include my husband’s name on the land deed, considering my parents’ worries about the land potentially not reaching our children if unforeseen events occur, I am now reluctant. However, withholding shared ownership might strain our marriage.
What should I do?
